Very early Sunday morning, 5am, I get a call from a number I didn’t recognize. Usually when I get calls in the middle of the night it’s labor related, and I am on-call to assist another midwife with her client. Clearly this wasn’t the midwife’s number but I thought it could be her client calling because they were in labor and couldn’t get a hold of her, so I answered.
Now our house does not always have the best reception so I really could not understand this guy at first and kept moving around to see if I could get better reception. Finally I hear him say “I’m calling to ask about your services.”
“At 5am?!” I yelled back. I was now outside. Just before I hang up he said, “Wait, how are you feeling right now?” And I hang up on him.
About 10 min later, back in bed, he texts me this gem of a message: “U focus so much on everyone elses relationships and births you forget that your a supple woman who has her own needs when you get up at 5 am and find ur curiously aroused and wet after ur conversation whats there left to do u can lay there miserable thinking about the next bit of joy you get to be part of or embrace the chance at doing something you normally dont let life pass you by without living”
So I block him and go back to sleep.
I thought about writing a whole post on the gross, creepy assholes who think that calling someone at 5am to proposition them is a good idea that’s going to work out like they hope it would. But really, why give his guy and men like him more of a platform? Let’s instead highlight some of the very amazing men who, not only aren’t creepy assholes (which really, that’s a low bar to hold someone to), but are helpful, kind, funny and good people.
To the partners of my clients – I see you in birth class when I’m freely throwing around words like “vagina,” “blood,” “breasts” and you get a little squirmy but you’re trying your best to learn. I see the you at appointments, asking questions, helping with decisions and getting involved. I see when your face lights up when you hear your baby’s heartbeat or feel their kicks.
I read your texts and listen your calls with the questions you got nervous to ask during the appointment but you found a way to ask anyway. I see when you look anxious during labor when the big roaring contractions hit, the ones where your brain is searching for some way to fix things but you can’t so you just stay present. And I see you with your squishy new baby, so tiny and unpredictable, or when you’re helping the older kids as they adjust to the new roles in the family.
Are you guys perfect? No, and that’s ok because you can learn from mistakes. You don’t “need to be the strong one” or pretend to be unemotional and unimpressed. You try to stay present and keep learning and adjusting to your new life.
To the men in my family – You all rock. I have a job that is unpredictable and sometimes demanding, and kids who are the same (if not more). I couldn’t do this without you all and we’re so lucky to have such awesome male role models in our lives.
(I’ve shared all these pictures with the generous permission of my clients and family so don’t be a creepy asshole and share them without my permission. Please and thank you.)